petra: A blonde woman with both hands over her face (Britta - Twohanded facepalm)
petra ([personal profile] petra) wrote2025-06-08 07:33 pm
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Neurodivergent reward cycle

My brain reward cycle is fucked, and the longer I think about it, the more I recognize that it's always been this way.

Case in point: I performed recently after preparing for 5 months.

My mother said, "It went well! That must feel good."

Me: "..."

It didn't. It never really does, not unless someone else gives me external validation.

Whenever I do something hard, my brain's response is, "Well, I did it, so how hard could it have been?"

This applies to excelling academically (which I have done frequently), excelling at my job (which I have done on occasion), every type of performance I've ever undertaken (and there have been a lot), every form of art/craft I've ever done (writing, knitting, crocheting, etc.), and helping friends.

Mostly I just feel relief that it's over, and my brain isn't going to give me the constant round of "You should work on [thing]!" anymore. Nah, the shoulds will switch to something else, but at least it'll be new at first.
isis: (squid etching)
Isis ([personal profile] isis) wrote2025-06-07 03:21 pm

interesting links to fascinate people

Paul Krugman talks with Ada Palmer about her new (nonfiction) book Inventing the Renaissance. I came at this from the Krugman side (he's a Nobel-winning economist who used to write for the NYT, and I subscribe to his substack) but I figured some of you would be interested from the Palmer side (I never got into Terra Ignota, though). I found it really interesting! I read the transcript, but there's a link to the video conversation as well.

Speaking of Nobelists, a v. v. srs study found that countries with greater per capita chocolate consumption produce more Nobel laureates - so eating chocolate makes you smarter, right? :-)
petra: Barbara Gordon smiling knowingly (Default)
petra ([personal profile] petra) wrote2025-06-07 12:15 am
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Recommendation: love is an affliction by WerewolvesAreReal, ST:TOS Hanahaki Disease

I deeply enjoyed reading a Star Trek: The Original Series story in which Hanahaki is nonfatal and limited to Vulcans. I enjoyed it all the more because I didn't read the tags beyond noting that it's General Audiences and No Warnings Apply. Having now read the tags and finished the story, which ends hopefully, I recommend that you give the story a try if the idea of Spock coughing up flowers of unrequited love appeals to you -- but page down and skip the tags, unless there are common pairings in the fandom that you need to avoid.

love is an affliction
skygiants: Autor from Princess Tutu gesturing smugly (let me splain)
skygiants ([personal profile] skygiants) wrote2025-06-06 08:18 pm

(no subject)

A while back, [personal profile] lirazel posted about a bad book about an interesting topic -- Conspiracy Theories About Lemuria -- which apparently got most of its information from a scholarly text called The Lost Land of Lemuria: Fabulous Geographies, Catastrophic Histories by Sumathi Ramaswamy.

Great! I said. I bet the library has that book, I'll read it instead of the bad one! which now I have done.

For those unfamiliar, for a while the idea of sunken land-bridges joining various existing landmasses was very popular in 19th century geology; Lemuria got its name because it was supposed to explain why there are lemurs in Madagascar and India but not anywhere else. Various other land-bridges were also theorized but Lemuria's the only one that got famous thanks to the catchy name getting picked up by various weird occultists (most notably Helena Blavatasky) and incorporated into their variably incomprehensible Theories of Human Origins, Past Paradises, Etc.

As is not unexpected, this book is a much more dense, scholarly, and theory-driven tome than the bad pop history that [personal profile] lirazel read. What was unexpected for me is that the author's scholarly interests focus on a.) cartography and b.) Tamil language and cultural politics, and so what she's most interested in doing is tracing how the concept of a Lemurian continent went from being an outdated geographic supposition to a weird Western occult fringe belief to an extremely mainstream, government-supported historical narrative in Tamil-speaking polities, where Lost Lemuria has become associated with the legendary drowned Tamil homeland of Tamilnāṭu and thus the premise for a claim that not only is the Lemurian continent the source of human origins but that specifically the Tamil language is the source language for humanity.

Not the book I expected to be reading! but I'm not at all mad about how things turned out! the prose is so dry that it was definite work to wade through but the rewards were real; the author has another whole book about Tamil language politics and part of me knows I am not really theory-brained enough for it at this time but the other part is tempted.

Also I did as well come out with a few snippets of the Weird Nonsense that I thought I was going in for! My favorite anecdote involves a woman named Gertrude Norris Meeker who wrote to the U.S. government in the 1950s claiming to be the Governor-General of Atlantis and Lemuria, ascertaining her sovereign right to this nonexistent territory, to which the State Department's Special Advisor on Geography had to write back like "we do not think that is true; this place does not exist." Eventually Gertrude Meeker got a congressman involved who also nobly wrote to the government on behalf of his constituent: "Mrs. Meeker understands that by renouncing her citizenship she could become Queen of these islands, but as a citizen she can rule as governor-general. [...] She states that she is getting ready to do some leasing for development work on some of these islands." And again the State Department was patiently like "we do not think that is true, as this place does not exist." Subsequently they seem to have developed a "Lemuria and Atlantis are not real" form letter which I hope and trust is still being used today.
petra: Luke Skywalker and Miss Piggy, who is dressed as Princess Leia (Luke Skywalker & Miss Piggy - Aw)
petra ([personal profile] petra) wrote2025-06-06 02:51 pm
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The time Padmé lost an Amidala look-alike contest

Padmé, much like Dolly Parton, loses an Amidala look-alike contest. How many of the entrants are in drag? I leave that as an exercise for the reader.

There are definitely drag king portrayals of Anakin and Obi-Wan in their heyday, possibly including makeouts with each other and/or drag king clones.

Anyone who has seen The Empire Strips Back knows what drag!Luke Skywalker is wearing, and as for Leia -- well, I could insert any number of pictures of people doing Leia drag, in any number of costumes, and she’s not even royalty in this galaxy. Who even knows how many hotass drag kings lust after Han’s gender, too.
skygiants: Jane Eyre from Paula Rego's illustrations, facing out into darkness (more than courage)
skygiants ([personal profile] skygiants) wrote2025-06-04 08:47 pm
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(no subject)

Over Memorial Day weekend [personal profile] genarti and I were on a mini-vacation at her family's cabin in the Finger Lakes, which features a fantastic bookshelf of yellowing midcentury mysteries stocked by [personal profile] genarti's grandmother. Often when I'm there I just avail myself of the existing material, but this time -- in increasing awareness of the way our own books are threatening to spill over our shelves again -- I seized this as an opportunity to check my bookshelves for the books that looked most like they belonged in a cabin in the Finger Lakes to read while I was there and then leave among their brethren.

As a result, I have now finally read the second-to-last of the stock of Weird Joan Aikens that [personal profile] coffeeandink gave me many years ago now, and boy was it extremely weird!

My favorite Aiken books are often the ones where I straight up can't tell if she's attempting to sincerely Write in the Genre or if she is writing full deadpan parody. I think The Embroidered Sunset is at least half parody, in a deadpan and melancholy way. I actually have a hypothesis that someone asked Joan Aiken to write a Gothic, meaning the sort of romantic suspense girl-flees-from-house form of the genre popular in the 1970s, and she was like "great! I love the Gothic tradition! I will give you a plucky 1970s career girl and a mystery and a complex family history and several big creepy houses! would you also like a haunted seaside landscape, the creeping inevitability of loss and death, some barely-dodged incest and a tragic ending?" and Gollancz, weary of Joan Aiken and her antics, was just like "sure, Joan. Fine. Do whatever."

Our heroine, Lucy, is a talented, sensible, cross and rather ugly girl with notably weird front teeth, is frequently jokingly referred to as Lucy Snowe by one of her love interests; the big creepy old age home in which much of the novel takes place is called Wildfell Hall; at one point Lucy knocks on the front door of Old Colonel Linton and he's like 'oh my god! you look just like my great-grandmother Cathy Linton, nee Earnshaw! it's the notably weird front teeth!" Joan Will Have Her Little Jokes.

The plot? The plot. Lucy, an orphan being raised in New England by her evil uncle and his hapless wife and mean daughter, wants to go study music in England with the brilliant-but-tragically-dying refugee pianist Max Benovek. Her uncle pays her fare across the Atlantic, on the condition that she go and investigate a great-aunt who has been pulling a pension out of the family coffers for many years; the great-aunt was Living Long Term with Another Old Lady (the L word is not said but it is really felt) and one of them has now died, but no one is really clear which.

The evil uncle suspects that the surviving old lady may not be the great-aunt and may instead be Doing Fraud, so Lucy's main task is to locate the old lady and determine whether or not she is in fact her great-aunt. Additionally, the great aunt was a brilliant folk artist unrecognized in her own time and so the evil uncle has assigned Lucy a side quest of finding as many of her paintings as possible and bringing them back to be sold for many dollars.

However, before setting out on any of these quests, Lucy stops in on the dying refugee pianist to see if he will agree to teach her. They have an immediate meeting of the minds and souls! Not only does Max agree to take her on as His Last Pupil, he also immediately furnishes her with cash and a car, because her plan of hitchhiking down to Aunt Fennel's part of the UK could endanger her beautiful pianist's hands!! Now Lucy has a brilliant future ahead of her with someone who really cares about her, but also a ticking clock: she has to sort out this whole great-aunt business before Max progresses from 'tragically dying' to 'tragically dead.'

The rest of the book follows several threads:
- Lucy bopping around the World's Most Depressing Seaside Towns, which, it is ominously and repeatedly hinted, could flood catastraphically at any moment, grimly attempting to convince a series of incredibly weird and variably depressed locals to give her any information or paintings, which they are deeply disinclined to do
- Max, in his sickroom, reading Lucy's letters and going 'gosh I hope I get to teach that girl ... it would be my last and most important life's work .... BEFORE I DIE'
- Sinister Goings On At The Old Age Home! Escaped Convicts!! Secret Identities!!! What Could This All Have To Do With Lucy's Evil Uncle? Who Could Say! Is Their Doctor Faking Being Turkish? Who Could Say!! Why Does That One Old Woman Keep Holding Up An Electric Mixer And Remarking How Easy It Would Be To Murder Someone With It? Who Could Say That Either!!!
- an elderly woman who may or may not be Aunt Fennel, in terrible fear of Something, stacked into dingy and constrained settings packed with other old and fading strangers, trying not to think too hard about her dead partner and their beloved cat and the life that she used to have in her own home where she was happy and loved .... all of these sections genuinely gave me big emotions :(((

Eventually all these plotlines converge with increasingly chaotic drama! Lucy and the old lady meet and have a really interesting, affectionate but complicated relationship colored by deep loneliness and suspicion on both sides; again, I really genuinely cared about this! Lucy, who sometimes exhibits random psychic tendencies, visits the lesbian cottage and finds it is so powerfully and miserably haunted by the happiness that it once held and doesn't anymore that she nearly passes out about it! Then whole thing culminates in huge spoilers )

Anyway. A wild time. Some parts I liked very much! I hit the end and shrieked and then forced Beth to read it immediately because I needed to scream about it, and now it lives among its other yellowing paperback friends on the Midcentury Mysteries shelf for some other unsuspecting person to find and scream about.

NB: in addition to everything else a cat dies in this book .... Joan Aiken hates this cat in particular and I do not know why. She likes all the other cats! But for some reason she really wants us to understand that this cat has bad vibes and we should not be sad when it gets got. But me, I was sad.
runpunkrun: combat boot, pizza, camo pants = punk  (punk rock girl)
Punk ([personal profile] runpunkrun) wrote in [community profile] fandomcalendar2025-06-03 08:07 am

Fancake Theme for June: Female Relationships

Photograph with added text: Female Relationships, at Fancake. Four old Nepalese women sit together on a low brick wall, their feet dangling, most of them barefoot, their shoes kicked off below them. They're dressed in loose patterned fabrics in various shades of red and the mood is relaxed.
[community profile] fancake is a thematic recommendation community where all members are welcome to post recs, and fanworks of all shapes and sizes are accepted. Check out the community guidelines for the full set of rules.

This theme runs for the entire month. If you have any questions, just ask!
petra: CGI Obi-Wan Kenobi with his face smudged with dirt, wearing beige, visible from the chest up. A Clone Trooper is visible over one shoulder. (Obi-Wan - Clones ftw)
petra ([personal profile] petra) wrote2025-06-01 09:35 pm

Dance in the oldest boots I own - Star Wars story, Winter Soldier AU

Dance in the oldest boots I own (5106 words) by Petra
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Hondo Ohnaka
Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Hondo Ohnaka, Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Winter Soldier AU, Inspired by Fanart, Not a Superhero AU
Summary:

Hondo finds Obi-Wan frozen in carbonite and decides that he is worth more than the bounty on his head.

Obi-Wan is discomfited to learn what has been happening in the galaxy since he's been out of commission, but not nearly as discomfited as he is by finding out what his erstwhile padawan has been doing.

Two chapters of a Winter Soldier AU.

luzula: a Luzula pilosa, or hairy wood-rush (Default)
luzula ([personal profile] luzula) wrote2025-06-01 10:13 pm
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The downside of having animals

One of our ducks vanished during the day, in all probability taken by a fox. I can't imagine she would stay away from feeding time of her own free will, so something must have happened to her. Obviously we lock them up at night, but they don't wander far from the house and garden during the day, so we thought there wasn't much danger in broad daylight. But no.

When we asked in the village group chat, it turns out several neighbors had had chickens taken during the day by foxes! Would have been nice if they had warned the neighbors about this, instead of using the group chat for useless and annoying suspicion of strangers walking down the road (a completely unremarkable thing for people to do).

I don't blame the fox for doing its foxy thing, obviously. But I am more sad than I expected to be about the duck. They are such funny and endearing creatures--I had grown quite fond of them all, and this one was one of my favorites. She was the younger female, often the first to come running at feeding time, and had been amusing and annoying us with her desultory brooding habits. Runner ducks apparently don't reliably brood, but she was often doing it, so we left her some eggs to let her try. So she would do it for half the day, but then go out with the others and ignore the eggs. We joked that maybe she was holding out for an eight-hour working day if she was going to brood.

Farewell, Ester. You were a lovely duck, and I shed tears for you.
aurumcalendula: Bai Yunxi and Gu Jinyu (Shuang Tu)
AurumCalendula ([personal profile] aurumcalendula) wrote in [community profile] girlgay2025-06-01 12:46 pm
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Vid: Can't Help Falling In Love (Soul Sisters, Gu Jinyu/Bai Yunxi)

Title: Can't Help Falling In Love
Fandom: 双兔 | Soul Sisters (2024)
Music: Can't Help Falling in Love by Kacey Musgraves
Summary: 'some things are meant to be'
Notes: Premiered at [community profile] vidukon_cardiff 2025!
Warnings: quick cuts and flashing lights

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